Quotes: Amusing

"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper."
--Quentin Crisp

"There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users'."
--Edward Tufte

"Crossposting, as an issue, is a Feminist red-herring."
--Peter Zohrab

"You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit."
--Kurt Vonnegut

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
--Oscar Levant

"Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice."
--Charlie Fulton

"Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead."
--Yakko from the Animaniacs

"If it weren't for Chicago, Wisconsin would be Nebraska"
--Guy overheard in a bar

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
--August Strindberg

"The CONSPIRACY has been PULLING YOUR PANTS DOWN and REVEALING YOUR NAKED BUTTS to the entire viewing audience!"
--Unknown SubGenius

"So charmingly heathen, your skin is like a teardrop on a popsickle."
-- Surrealist Compliment Generator
Thanks to those who forwarded the new address to me!

"We have charts and graphs to back us up, so fuck off!"
--Marketing

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Reverend William A. Spooner, known for his twisted versions of cliches, meaning to say "Drink is the curse of the working classes."

"Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!"
--Unknown

"Is it true bears like honey? Try some. It's Daddy's very own."
--Raymond Briggs "The Bear" (a children's book)

Interviewer: "Justin, you're so svelte! What's your diet secret?"
Justin Bond: "Herion and Sushi works really well."
--An interview with drag queen and culture maven Justin Bond

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
--Baseball great Dizzy Dean, after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

"I have lived too long with cautious thinking. Now I will make myself mad."
--Rumi

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
--Hunter S Thompson

"Bite me, it's fun!"
--Mystery Science Theater 3000 sticker

"I happen to be one of those people who thinks the aesthetics of a place are improved by putting a nice transmission line through it."
--Jo McElwain, Montana Power Company Chairman

"The email of the species is more deadly than the mail."
--Peter Neumann

"Grad school is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life."
--John Rogers (comedian with a graduate degree in physics)

"A shrill, bitchy edge that never stops."
--Bisexual actress Sandra Bernhard when asked by Vanity Fair in the August issue, "What is the quality you most like in a woman?"

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am--I am filled with humidity."
--Gib Lewis

"He's Cute."
--Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson, on Peter McNeeley, his first opponent in the ring since going to prison (From Perspectives on page 21 of the August 28, 1995 issue of Newsweek

"You say you ooze machismo, bad guy? I want to ooze it with you! We can ooze as one!"
--Professional Wrestler "Goldust"


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