Subject: Time and Temperament
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1998 16:54:37 GMT
From: glh@havican.com
Organization: Shore.Net/Eco Software, Inc; (info@shore.net)
Newsgroups: soc.motss

Yup, a *me* *me* *me* post, so hit "n" now if you don't like that sort of
thing.

It's been slightly over two years since I met MMB, and it's
been slightly over a year since I moved moved north to be with
him.  Now seems as good a time as any to reflect on what my
decisions have wraught.

When Robert and I *finally* ended the game of
breakup and get back together four years ago, I decided that I
really didn't want to get involved in another relationship.
I lived for almost three years by myself and was really
quite happy with that aspect of my life.

After I met JD at the Chicago con, we started long distance
dating and I was quite content with that.  During this time
period, upon the urging of Arnold, MMB began writing me.  He had
been following my posts in soc.motss for some time and wanted to
get to know me better.  On one of my trips north to see JD, I
had a 2 hour layover in Ohio so MMB agreed to meet me at the
airport.  This was the first time we actually met in person.

Several months later, JD met Ed and his focus began to shift in
that direction, under my encouragement.  After all, I was living
in Texas and it did not seem feasable that I would be moving
closer to him anytime soon, and JD was trying to finish his last
year of school, so he had no plans on moving either.  I should note
here that JD is, to this day, very special to me and will always
hold a place close to my heart.

At this point, my correspondance with MMB increased and we got
to know each other even better.  I recognized in him a person
who held many of the same values as I do and who had many of
the same dreams.  It was really uncanny how much we had in common.

He came down to Austin to visit at one point and after he moved
to Mass, I came up to visit him.  With time, we continued to
grow closer and I realized that I was actually falling in love
with him.  This was a bit of a shock since up to this point, I
really hadn't thought about the idea of having another long
term relationship.  After all, I had decided years earlier that
I really didn't want one again.  This put a crimp in things for
awhile as I worked through my feelings.

One day, we started talking about our living together.  I really
don't remember how it happened.  It just came out of the blue,
but it seemed entirely natural.  No hesitation about taking about
it at all.  We talked about it for almost nine months before we made
the decision for me to move north to be with him.  When the day
came that I actually left Texas and headed north in the moving van,
I had no qualms about the decision or the move.  I knew it was the
right thing to do.

I can honestly say that I've never regretted the decision.  Life
has been kinda strange for me since that time.  First not working
for almost a year.  As I've posted before about that, it took me
a long time to become comfortable with that.  Then I started working
again back in August for what was only supposed to be three months
(and now it seems like it will go on forever), and everything changed
again.  Now I'm trying to get comfortable with actually working again
and I really miss being retired.  This has been pretty difficult for
me because it's brought on my chronic depression again.

Throughout all of this, our relationship has had it's little problems,
but to this day we've never had a major one.  We communicate with each
other, we support each other and the decisions that each of us has to
make, and we continue to have the same dreams and goals in life.  It's
really amazing to me; after years and years of unstable relationships, to
actually be in a stable one again.  To live with someone who I can
actually envision spending the rest of my life with in peace and love.
All of this at 42.  I just can't get over it.  I'm a very lucky man.

Greg

Greg Havican     |
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glh@havican.com  | http://www.havican.com