From: kbergen@acpub.duke.edu (Kristin Bergen)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: just came out
Date: 4 Sep 1996 18:53:46 -0400

In article <50k8lr$806@mizar.usc.edu>,
Arne Adolfsen  wrote:
>Adults are responsible for their own feelings and reactions.  I don't
>think Richard -- or anyone else, for that matter -- owes his parents
>and siblings and anyone else ANYTHING in this regard.

[...]

>So what?  Richard's gayness is a given.  Period.  If his family has more
>trouble getting past that fact than they do the fact that Richard's mother
>is a woman, well, they can go to hell.  I have absolutely no patience 
>whatsoever with ANYONE in my life who has a problem with the fact that
>I'm gay.  If you can't accept that fact about me immediately I really have 
>no desire to know you.

Christ, Arne, you really sound like someone who's just barely _begun_ to
come to terms with his sexuality, judging from the intensity of emotion
you consistently bring to this topic; you know, the
recently-rocketed-out-of-the-closet-and-ah'm-mad-as-hell type.

Different people have [surprise!] different situations and needs, first 
of all, duh.  I used the same sort of "tough love" technique on my 
parents that you used, with the very different result that they gave up 
their admittedly feeble effort to remain idiotic and educated themselves 
better.  I don't however see this as the universally perfect solution.

What I'm getting at is that you really don't come across as having
resolved these issues as completely as you would have us believe; the
level of emotion you express seems to exceed the level of dispassion you
claim.  There are plenty of good reasons to be pissed off by parental
homophobia.  I'm just not convinced that these coincide exactly with
*your* reasons.  The more you insist that you just don't care what str8
people think about you, the more it appears you do.

Sometimes it's just not possible to reconcile oneself and one's context,
and I believe you think this is your situation, at least with respect to
your family.  What I have more trouble believing is that you feel as
comfortable with your resolution as you say you do.  If you were, I can't
imagine why this topic would still, after twenty-five years, set you off
so consistently.